|(Clown enters followed by dancers and
musician. Dancers disperse to sides of arena.)
|Clown||Here come I that ne’er come
With my great big head and little wit.
Though my head be great and my wit be small
I’ve six fine lads to please you all.
My head’s made of iron,
My heart’s made of steel.
My hands and feet of knuckle bone
I challenge you out to feel.
I am a King and a conqueror
|(Clown smacks King on bottom with sword)
|Clown||And I am the clown of this noble town
And I’ve come to see thee dance.
Come on my six brave heroes.
|(Team forms into line.)
Your valor has been tried,
|(Dance commences and at end musician is killed and
dancers flee into crowd. Clown comes forward and trips over body)
|Clown||‘Tis rough ground!|
|King||What’s the matter here?|
|(Clown points at body)
|Clown||A man, dead!|
|King||I fear you killed him.|
He near killed me!
Come on you villains,
And declare yourselves.
|(Each dancer comes into open declaring his Innocence and
accusing others with much venom.)
not I that did this bloody act
'Twas he that followed me that did it for a fact!
I’m sure its none of I that
did this awful crime.
‘Twas he that followed me that drew his sword so fine!
Don’t lay the blame on me
you awful villains all.
I’m sure my eyes were shut when this young man did fall!
How could you eyes be shut
when I was looking on.
I’m sure that you were there when first these swords were drawn!
(Walks towards King shaping up
for a fight.)
Our King has done this deed and lays the blame on me.
Before I take the blame I’ll try my sword with thee!
|(They fight and rest of team separate them.)|
|Clown||Let’s read the will!|
|(Dancers line up and kneel behind body whilst expressing agreement. Clown gives sword to male member of the audience.)|
|Dancers||We’ll read the will! Aye, the will! The will! etc|
standing at head of body takes the will, a toilet roll, from body's
pocket. Places roll in hands of body, using his fingers as roll holder,
and pulls out a long length.)
was an old woman of Gloucester
No That must be wrong.
Read it aright
|(Clown points up, all dancers look up)|
|Clown||God in Heaven take my soul|
|(Clown points to ground, all dancers look down.)|
take my bones
And that man there (pointing) that holds my sword,
Take my wife and bairns!
|(General low laughter as dancers stand and disperse. Dancer acting as horse quietly leaves to collect sign and Doctor.|
we mean to escape a halter,
for a doctor we must send.
Is there a Doctor in the house?
Five pounds for a doctor!
pounds for a doctor!
Any other doctor in the house?
Bottle of broon for a doctor!
|(Enter doctor on horse, dismounts.)|
here, (Flicks hat off head, which is attached to coat with thread,
and catches it as it swings between his legs.)
a doctor bold,
Who travels much, at home.
Take these here my pills. (pulling pills from bag)
|(All stand to attention saluting, body sits up waving flag. Doctor takes rubber hammer from bag and hits body on head)|
down, you’re dead!
What’s the matter here?
|King||A man, dead!|
|Doctor||How long’s he been dead?|
|King||Seven minutes. Can you cure him?|
|Doctor||If he’d been dead seven years I could cure him!|
|King||Well, what’s your fee?|
fee? Nine hundred and ninety nine pounds.
Ninety nine and a half new pence.
A peck of ginger bread
And some oats for my horse!
|King||It’s an imposition! I shall not pay?|
|Doctor||Very well. Horse!|
|(Doctor charges at horse to mount. Both fall.)|
|King||Doctor, is that the least you will take?|
|Doctor||I’ll throw off the oats for the horse|
|Very well, you must try your skills.|
|(Doctor walks to body facing head to examine it.)|
kicks doctor in bottom. Doctor turns round to examine feet and body
wacks Doctor’s bottom with rolled up newspaper. Doctor takes out his
stethoscope and places on Body's accordion. Body plays Dead March.)
|Doctor||He’s dead, but he has a raging pulse!|
|Clown||How can a dead man have a raging pulse?|
|Doctor||I must give him physic! (Takes pill from bag, and puts in Body’s mouth.)|
|Clown||Giving a dead man physic?|
blows pill into air, Doctor catches it in his hat.)
|King||Doctor, he’s a long time coming back to life!|
|Clown||I’ll bring him back to life.|
stands at feet of body, dancers in line to rear pointing swords at body.
Everyone serious. Clown draws sword along body head to feet. Returns
sword to head and as he raises it body and other swords rise.)
evening (morning) gentlefolk.
A' sleeping I have been.
I’ve had such a sleep.
The like was never seen.
But now that I am awake
And alive unto this day.
The dancers shall have their dance.
And the Doctor shall have his pay.
|(Dance commences, Clown and Doctor collect fee. When lock Is tied dancers process off followed by Doctor, Clown and Musician.)|
Copyright of Monkseaton Morrismen and Folk Dance Club